Mental Conditions I have
I'm making this carrd to explain all my issues and things about me related to my mental health. This will include Trigger Warnings including the following:- Suicide
- Self Harm
- DerealizationPlease take care of yourself and proceed with caution.MOST IF NOT ALL OF THIS INFORMATION IS NOT DIRECTLY CONFIRMED BY A DOCTOR ABOUT THESE ISSUES. THIS IS COMING FROM A 15 YEAR OLD. I am writing this to try and explain certain things I do. If you relate to this please look into it by a reliable source. Do not take any real information from here.Updated August 4 2024
Issues
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)I may get very hyper and type in all caps whenever speaking about certain topics that I enjoy. This does not usually affect how I behave online though I will be forgetful and have trouble focusing so please be understanding. If criticized it may trigger my other conditions, so be mindful.AutismI have a hard time socializing with others and reading up on certain cues. Tone tags most likely do not work and confuse me, so I don't use them often. I can be overly sensitive. I also talk about my special interests A LOT. Its about the only things I speak about and I WILL want to be friends with you if you enjoy the same content. I WILL GET UPSET If you say you like my interests more then me. I also mask a lot. I also do a few other things that I don't really know yet or how to explain.Anxiety
I may get very anxious about how one speaks or acts around me. This comes to play with my BPD, PTSD, DPD, and Depression a lot as well. If you act differently with someone else I will overanalyze it and get anxious. I also worry about every little detail. Please be understanding with me.Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)I have A LOT of trauma mainly from physical abuse, manipulation, bullying, criticism, and unstable relationships. This comes to play with my Anxiety, BPD, DPD and Depression. I will get triggered by certain topics (VERY RARELY), I will compare a lot to my trauma. I will trauma dump without knowing. Please respectfully remind me if I do. There is more that I cannot remember as well.DepressionI will be very sad and vent a lot. This is a really big one for me. I will talk about attempts of Suicide, Self-harm, and will vent a lot on my status. I WILL trauma dump. I will compare trauma without knowing. I will accidentally change the subject of a conversation to be more depressing. And I will talk about depressing things.Dependent personality disorder (DPD)I have a hard time accepting rejection and people disagreeing with me. Due to this, I will sometimes blindly agree to things to make myself seem more likeable. I am passive. I have a hard time taking care of myself and will usually baby myself and call myself "small" or "cute" as a way to seem more vulnerable. I CANNOT BE ALONE. I will freak out. I DO NOT handle the ending or changing of relationships or my environment easily at all. I WILL usually try to move on fast and find new people to "replace" the old relationships. I seek advice and reassurance often and I am easily manipulated by things to keep a valued person close.Borderline personality disorder (BPD)This is by far the one that affects me the most. Please be mindful of these things. I have BAD ABANDONMENT, JEALOUSY, AND ATTACHMENT ISSUES, it is a big fear of mine. I will avoid talking about certain things because of this. I HAVE TROUBLE WITH RELATIONSHIPS. I WILL BE VERY TALKATIVE AND LIKE TO BE AROUND YOU AND THINK YOU CARE ABOUT ME. THEN I MIGHT IGNORE AND BE MAD AT YOU AND THINK YOU WILL FORGET AND DISLIKE ME (this usually happens with people I like/have interest in). This is usually triggered by being IGNORED or TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE. Mainly a mix of being ignored while talking to other people. I am aware this is VERY unhealthy but PLEASE be aware I cannot help it. I tend to speak about how life has no purpose. This is linked to my depression. I will vent about wanting to die and wanting to kill myself because I have no purpose in life. I derealize a lot. Please be understanding. I will have mood swings and usually feel empty and apathetic. I HAVE ANGER ISSUES AND WILL GET MAD AT MINOR THINGS. PLEASE BE AWARE. PLEASE BE AWARE I HAVE A VERY VERY DIFFICULT TIME WITH RELATIONSHIPS AND THIS IS THE MAIN CAUSE. I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE. It is difficult to become friends with me and I will usually idolize if you speak to me and will resent you if you end up speaking to other people and not me. I am seriously very sorry. Please try to be understanding. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE ME. IT IS VERY TRIGGERING.
My BPD is heavily Discouraged, Self Destructive, and Petulant and not so Impulsive.(A good video on how I feel with it is here so I suggest watching that or doing your own research on BPD.)
More
Please be aware of everything here while interacting. I know it's a lot but it's the best if you wish to pursue a relationship of sorts. If you put in effort, trust me, I will do the same if I realize you are committed as well.
Please keep in mind I joke about these topics A LOT. It is a way of coping and there is probably a bunch more I missed. If me joking about any of these triggers you, please contact me privately letting me know and I will do my best to stop. Thank you for your understanding and reading.
Here is my CARRD for more personal information about myself.